Non-U gardeners beware


Note plastic pot with label and barcode still attached

As you no doubt know, I’m a garden snob. I openly vandalise variegated ivy after dark. I’d rather poison myself with Roundup than be seen in the presence of a plastic pot. And, as for the tasteless suburban wretches who sprinkle nasty white pebbles on weed-resistant membrane, let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell, for wickednesse is within their borders.

I thought I’d seen it all until this week, when I walked past a so-called ‘town house’ and spotted wilted brown cordylines cohabiting (in plastic terracotta pots) with lime-green conifers. It was so brutally Non-U, it would have literally killed Nancy Mitford on the spot.

Watch this space. I have a goodly supply of Domestos and weedkiller at Peacock Towers and am not averse to strolling abroad in the small hours.

lime green cyprus

Good grief


2 comments for “Non-U gardeners beware

  1. 26/02/2016 at 12:30 am

    Omg. Don’t use weed killer. Boiling water will do the same and not pollute the ground. You can’t love plants and destroy the environment at the same time. My best to Boll.

    • Ian
      26/02/2016 at 10:06 am

      Thanks for the advice! No – I don’t really use weed killer. I was just feeling mildly violent towards cordylines and lemon-coloured conifers. And, to be honest, I wouldn’t actually kill them. I’d just quietly insult them 🙂

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