Kitchen

Food, Fitness, Health
Food is an important part of a balanced diet (Fran Lebowitz)

Flexor Tenosynovitis Chic

I’ve sprained my left thumb (flexor tenosynovitis no less) and have to rest it and rub gel on it for six weeks. Easier said than done. I had no idea how much I used it till this week. Everything I…

Health Update

I’ve just had my annual heart check-up and my new aortic valve is ‘looking very nice’ (medical term). Hurrah.

A Bifidus is a Bifidus is a Bifidus…

…to quote Gertrude Stein, sort of. I’m seething. I got all excited recently when the Danone yoghurt ads started going on about Bifidus Actiregularis. I was thrilled at the arrival of a new friendly bacterium. It seemed like a positively…

My First Black Eye

I have my first black eye. It was caused not by a fight – you’ll be disappointed to learn – but by stupidly bumping into a shelf in the kitchen. Thanks to my annual hayfever, I was a bit befuddled…

Peruvian Asparagus

The English asparagus season is upon us and so I scuttled off to Waitrose to buy a ’round of grass’ as it’s correctly called. Imagine my horror when I looked at the label and it was from PERU – 6,320…

Heart Update

I’ve just had a check-up at Harefield, almost three years after my op, and they told me my heart’s ‘in very good nick’ (a medical term I believe). I even watched my new aortic valve opening and closing like a…

Brain Update

My brain’s fine too, three years after my neurological drama. My sense of balance is still pretty terrible and I’d still look drunk if I didn’t take extra care while walking. But there are worse things to worry about in…

Oral B Movie

I was watching the TV at the gym yesterday (with the sound off) and an advert came on for Oral B toothrushes. There were several tiny Lilliput-type people inside a huge mouth, with giant, blobby, multi-coloured bacteria floating around in…

All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth

I have a sore tooth and – because of my peculiar heart which is prone to wibblings and is easily influenced by my other parts – they’ve put me on antibiotic pills the size of sausages. They’ve also booked me…

I Left My Tart in Ecclefechan

I blame M&S. They started it with ‘This is not just a carrot. It’s an M&S Distressed Albanian Carrot from Tirana, smothered in richest Tashkent Gravy’. Now Waitrose and Sainsbury’s are at it. Even Asda, where the poor people shop.…

My Giddy Aunt

There’s been outrage this week in Daily Mail circles at the trivial reasons people are giving to claim incapacity benefit. Over 8000 Brits apparently stay off work because of dizziness! The bounders!! How very dare they??? Well, I suffer from…

Herb Horror

I had a terrible crisis last night. I accidentally put a pot of fresh basil in the fridge and it died. This meant I had to eat my Waitrose vine tomatoes without basil, which no human being should have to…