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Breaking Bottom News


Click on bottom to enlarge and get a close view of my annotations
A quick update on my injured posterior. I’ve now been discharged by my physiotherapist and my bottom is now in the capable hands of my personal trainer Myles. So…basically, I’m definitely on the mend.
Thank you to everyone for being behind me all the way.

My Hip

Having spoken about nothing but my hip and bottom for the last month, I’m pleased to announce that my buttocks are on slightly better form today after their trip to the excellent sports physio at the gym.
She reached parts no other human has ever reached, put fuzzy electric currents through my gluteus maximus, and rounded it off with acupunture.
I now have to move my bottom around a lot before my next visit.
Apparently, I have quite severe ‘sacroileac dysfunction and inflammation, with pain in the sciatic nerves, sacroiliac joint and piriformis muscles.’ Please memorise this in case you ever end up on Mastermind. Until today, I thought Sacroiliac and Piriformis were characters in Troy. But obviously not. They’re things in my posterior.
Watch this space for further gripping bottom bulletins.

Me And My Smote Hip

And he smote them hip and thigh with a great slaughter: and he went down and dwelt in the top of the rock Etam.
I don’t normally quote from the Bible, but these uplifting words perfectly describe what happened to me when I tore my hip muscles to shreds at the gym a few weeks ago. This resulted in an exciting morphine-fuelled ambulance dash to casualty on a stretcher, and several weeks convalescing at Peacock Towers.
Anyway, I’m now back in Hertford and have progressed from zimmer-frame to walking stick.
Huge thanks to parents, family, friends, pets, NHS staff and the inventors of Vallium, Voltarol and the commode.
And profuse apologies for my lack of peacockshocking over the last week or two.

Could This Be It?


Could this be the exercise that did my hip in?