Heart-warming Santa Clauses

Some magical Santa Clauses to add to your yuletide jollity.


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Half Gardeners

I like gardeners; I like non-gardeners. But there’s one thing I can’t stand: the half gardener. Half gardeners deserve to be sprayed to death with cheap weed killer.

‘What are they?’ I hear you ask.

Half gardeners are people who garden furiously either (1) once a year or (2) on bank holidays.

They garden like maniacs for a day. Then they ignore their garden for months on end or even a whole year.

They have a penchant for weed-resistant membrane, as they believe it will cover a multitude of sins. But it doesn’t. And your typical half gardener fits it but then fails to cover it properly. ugly garden weed resistant membrane They have a thing about bark chip. But, before you know it, it gets dry and bleached and full of weeds. Bark chip is the very devil. hideous bark chip And, as they only garden once a year, they prefer ready-made turf to grass seed, but they leave enormous gaps and only water it once. So it dies dry turf They then add pot plants. They water them once. Then leave them to it. Like the bits of turf, they die. dead pot plants As do the hanging baskets. I detest hanging baskets. But I loathe dead ones even more. dry wilted hanging basket Half gardeners beware. I’m watching you and your hideous dead twigs.

Russian Duck Whisperer

russian duck whisperer Loving this viral video of a duck whisperer (well, duck shouter) herding a bunch of ducks into a barn in Russia. I keep thinking it was faked using CGI and made to look like a wobbly YouTube clip. But I want to believe it’s real.