Monthly Archives: March 2005

Rapping Rabbit

If, like me, you’re an afficionado of (East Coast) rabbit HipHop, I suspect you’ll enjoy this Rapping Easter Bunny (have the sound turned on).

Easter? What’s That Then?

According to a survey just published by Reader’s Digest, over half the people of Britain haven’t a clue why we celebrate Easter. Call me old-fashioned, but I think that’s pathetic and an appalling indictment of our education system. Happy Easter, if you know what it is.
Easter

Small Limp

Thanks to my recent hip and knee blips, I developed a small (temporary) limp today. I intend to call it a limpet.

A Beautiful Revolution

I’m becoming a huge fan of a blog called A Beautiful Revolution by Andre who is very witty, a brilliant photographer and currently madly in love with a girl who works in a coffee shop (but there is a bit of colourful language now and then, so be warned if you’re easily offended)

Ward Crump

The names of my spammers are getting more and more ridiculous. I’ve just had an email from someone in Latvia or somewhere purporting to be called ‘Ward Crump’. This is clearly not a name belonging to a real human being. To me ‘ward crump’ sounds like a dialect term for MRSA – possibly from Norfolk or Somerset (“I think I’ve got a touch of the ward crumps, doctor”). I also vaguely recall a nineteenth century novel called Timothy Crump’s Ward (‘ward’ as in ‘adopted child’). But I can’t believe that Crump the spammer was aware of this. It’s all very very odd.

Fish Lurk In Streams

I was oddly tickled by the recent Reuters headline Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drug Test With Fake Penis. It reminded me of a New Statesman competition to write the perfect tabloid header. The result: Sex Change Bishop In Mercy Dash For Palace. But that was in the 80s. Now, you’ve got to stick a foreigner in there as well to guarantee sales: Swan Bake!!! declared The Sun last year. Asylum Seekers Steal Queen’s Birds For Barbecue.
My favourite headlines, though, are the really obvious ones such as Queen Strokes Corgi, or, here in downtown Hertford, Chaffinch Sighted In Tree. Here are some more. And they’re real.
Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us Holland Sentinel
Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find Los Angeles Times
Alcohol Ads Promote Drinking Hartford Courant
Malls Try to Attract Shoppers Baltimore Sun
Economist Uses Theory to Explain Economy Collinsville Herald-Journal
Bible Church’s Focus is the Bible Saint Augustine Record
Biting Nails Can Be Sign of Tenseness in a Person Daily Gazette of Schenectady
How We Feel About Ourselves is the Core of Self-Esteem, Says Author Louise Hart Colorado Sunday Camera
Fish Lurk in Streams Rochester Democrat & Chronicle
Blue Skies Unless its Cloudy San Francisco Chronicle
Ambiguous ones:
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Sheep Attacks Rocket
Stolen Painting found By Tree
Then there are those headlines where they just miss an important part of a key word:
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
I also love this one from the Los Angeles Times:
Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism
Accusing some of her male colleagues of sexism, Los Angeles Councilwoman Laura Chick lashed out at City Hall on Thursday as the ‘most sexist good-old-boys work environment that I’ve ever been in.’

Tumbling Teddies

Just click here, then move your mouse around the teddy bears. You’ll be captivated. I was on it for about an hour last night.

Octopedantry


I was delighted that Classic FM issued a correction this morning, stating that an octopus is not a crustacean but a mollusc. I was beside myself after hearing their incorrect crustacean reference yesterday – the first time I’ve ever been stirred by mollusc rights. At least they didn’t say ‘octopi’ which is an incorrect plural, based on the false assumption that octopus is a Latin word (as you know, it’s a Latinisation of the Greek ‘octopous’). The correct plural is either ‘octopuses’ or ‘octopodes’. Regardless, if you do a Google, you’ll find 70,000 octopi but a mere 855 octopodes. What is the world coming to?

Jordan, Madonna and Paris Hilton – Together

My sources tell me that Peacockshock is getting increasing numbers of hits per day. So I’ve decided to pull in the lad sector and boost my audience by going a bit more FHM. After checking out the most popular Google image searches via Zeitgeist, here are some hot new pix of…Jordan, Madonna and the lovely Paris Hilton…..