Monthly Archives: July 2005

Breaking Peacock News

A new occasional feature, rounding up the latest pavonine news stories from around the world. Peacock Gets It In Neck The hapless residents of a Detroit suburb are desperately trying to catch a peacock with an arrow stuck in its…

Not Just Another Brick In The Wall

This is the wall of a derelict but charming Victorian school near my house. It’s a protected building because of the wall. Can you work out why? I’ll reveal the answer in a few days.

112 On Thin Ice

It was a hoax. Like me, you probably got the email saying you could phone 112 on your mobile on the London Underground and get through to 999. Not true. Mobiles don’t work on the underground parts of the Tube.…

Honorary Marsupial Of The Month – July

Apologies for the late arrival of this month’s marsupial. It’s the Southdown Sheep. This particular one lives in Colchester Zoo. It looks stuffed, but I assure you it’s alive. They’re very small and very sweet, but sadly quite rare. Requests…

8 out of 10 Cats Don’t Prefer Puddings

A new scientific study has revealed the astonishing fact that…cats don’t have a sweet tooth. If you have a cat, you’ll have realised this. Cats are utterly indifferent to puddings. The reason for this is a faulty feline gene which…

Chav Jokes

OK. Chavs are a bit 2004. But they still exist (and can be sighted even in genteel Hertford, on the MacDonalds-Greggs chav leyline that is Maidenhead Street). Here are some of my favourite chav jokes: Q. What do you call…

Are you Posh? Or A Chav?

Test Yourself and find out whether you’re posh, a chav, or whatever. I had a go and I’m 43% posh and 18% a chav.

Tchaikovsky’s Head

I’m having some balance problems at the moment, thanks to the antibiotics. And I’ve discovered that the best solution is to keep my head completely still. Tchaikovsky would have approved. When he was conducting, he used to hold his chin…

Carpe Diem

Here are some Buddhist quotations I came across in a book: Let us try to recognise the precious nature of each day. Do not encumber your mind with useless thoughts. What good does it do to brood on the past…