Monthly Archives: February 2007


People used to call me ‘son’ or ‘young man’ or ‘pet’ (in the north). Then they started calling me ‘mate’ in the street, ‘sir’ in the posher shops.
I was once even addressed as ‘geezer’ by a tattooed Cockney in Gran Canaria.
But today, a young man called me ‘governor’. Governor? What next? Old boy? Old stick? Grandad?

Bollinger’s Duck Drama

Having been an indoor cat for quite a while, Boll is now spending some supervised time in the garden which is enclosed and cat-friendly. She spent her first few trips sitting on the doorstep happily eating plants. But this morning, she was alarmed to find a duck sitting on the wall. She wasn’t sure what it was, so she ran indoors and hid under the coffee table.

Big Screen Boll

When Boll and I moved, we decided to downsize and get a tiny LCD TV, as we’ve always held that there’s an inverse correlation between the dimensions of your TV screen and your IQ.
It arrived. The speakers were no bigger than hamsters and rattled oddly. I also needed binoculars to see the screen. It was the size of a guinea pig.
Also, Bollinger couldn’t watch her birds-and-small-creatures video, as she throws herself at the screen while it’s on, and she kept knocking the flimsy thing over.
So I’ve now given in and bought a frighteningly vast TV in a sale. It’s not an LCD one so it has a huge bulbous posterior. It also comes with a monstrous stand. But the man in the shop says it has brilliant sound. And he confessed, sotto voce, that it has a better picture than its LCD equivalents. I’m also hoping it will be Bollinger-proof.
It arrives on Saturday. Boll and I are very excited.

Boll watching her birds-and-creatures video

Boll watching birds on TV when she was a kitten

I’m being driven insane by a vampire rabbit.
When I was in Newcastle recently, my Dad told me about a mysterious were-rabbit over a weird pink rococo-ish doorway in the grounds of St Nicholas Cathedral.
It’s actually the back door of 27 Dean Street – a grand building designed by Oliver, Leeson and Wood and opened in 1901.
No-one seems to know why a vampiric bunny presides over the preposterous pink portal. Rumour has it that it was originally a hare, but its ears snapped and were reshaped into shorter rabbit versions.
Why did the architects put it there in the first place? Was it a joke? A mistake? A reference to a local vampire cult?
I’ve had three pet rabbits – Mo, Chandon and Florence – all of them very polite, extremely friendly and not remotely demonic. Rabbits are crepuscular (most active at dawn and dusk) but certainly not nocturnal.
Having dangled a carrot, I’m determined to get to the bottom of this and will keep you posted.