Monthly Archives: February 2007


A friend of mine was in a shop recently and noticed they had some clangers for sale.
‘Do you have any soup dragons?’ he enquired.
‘Yes,’ replied the assistant. ‘I think they’re next to the casseroles.’

A Clanger

A Soup Dragon


The new DVD player has arrived and has been officially inspected by Boll.

Pardon Pet?

Newcastle’s apparently the loudest place in the UK.
I find that odd. Having lived in both London and Newcastle, I’d definitely say the capital was louder. When I lived in Marylebone – right in the centre – I could tell what time of night it was by the sound of the traffic outside. 4-430 am was the only time you could hear individual vehicles with a short gap in between. At all other times, it was full-on traffic rumble 24/7.
On the other hand, Newcastle’s the most difficult city in England for recording interviews in the street, thanks to those deafening street-cleaning buggy things and old men shouting ‘Cruuuunniggguuuuell!!!’ (‘Chronicle’ – a newspaper).
And the conversation levels are undoubtedly louder – especially on public transport, where it’s compulsory to talk. Buses in Newcastle sound like hen coops for deranged chickens. Not so in London, where speaking on the tube is a sure sign of madness.

My Beautiful Laundrette

A happy ending to the washing machine saga, which I’m sure you’ll agree has been gripping beyond belief.
It’s all plumbed in and working, thanks to Pete – my only practical friend.
The house is now like an inner-city laundrette as I catch up on a month’s washing. I’ve stocked up on Comfort Vaporesse and am looking forward to a glamorous evening’s ironing.