Monthly Archives: March 2010

Clearly Over 25

I bought a bottle of wine tonight and used the self-service checkout. It said ‘approval needed’, so I summoned the yoof hovering nearby. He logged on. Up popped a big red message saying
He pressed the confirmation button straight away.
‘Am I?’ I asked.
‘What mate?’ he replied.
CLEARLY over 25?’
‘Just,’ he replied with an insolent smirk.

Newcastle Vampire Rabbit – Update

Thank you to Andy Curtis for contacting me about the infamous vampire rabbit of Newcastle (above the churchyard doorway of the Cathedral Buildings, dating from 1901).
His theory is that it’s a hare, placed there by the architect William H Wood – a reference to Sir George Hare Philipson, who was a physician at the Newcastle Royal Infirmary, providing the vampire association.
Hare Philipson was also the founder of the University of Durham Masonic Lodge, and William H Wood was possibly a prominent freemason in the area. Hares appear in masonic symbolism.
It’s certainly the best theory I’ve come across, but I’m not sure we’ll ever fully solve this mystery of the demonic bunny.
Andy’s vampire rabbit photo and theory in full

Hertford Corn Exchange – Missing Statue

I was looking at an old postcard of Fore Street in Hertford today and suddenly noticed a statue on top of the Corn Exchange.
Where did it disappear to? Why was it removed? And who does it represent?
My guess is that it’s the corn goddess Demeter or Ceres, but I’d really like to know.

Hertford Corn Exchange now

Neighbourhood Clich

a cat rollercoaster
A warning to the next person to refer, on radio or television, to being on an emotional rollercoaster – I will personally take them up to the top of an actual rollercoaster and fling them off.

The Pink Princess of Hertford

You see some odd things in Hertford Tescos car park. But this one is up there. Even the windscreen wipers are pink. Who is the pink princess? Why is she (or he?) so obsessed with pink? What does she (or he) look like? I need to know.

Overheard This Weekend

Old Man 1 – How are you?
Old Man 2 – Not so terrible. You?
Old Man 1 – Well, I suppose I’m still here.

Where Do Presenters Get Their Prepositions Off Of?

‘You could buy the garden off of the old lady next door,’ said a squeaky presenter this weekend on a property programme.
What’s wrong with ‘from’?

Cultured Chorizos

Spar in Playa del Ingles Gran Canaria

There I was, innocently purchasing a few slices of jamón asado on holiday, when I spotted a Flemish painting lurking behind the chorizos.

It was no less than Air, from The Four Elements by Joachim Beuckelaer.

I like the idea of artworks in supermarkets – Titians in Tescos, Warhols in Waitrose, Lowrys in Lidl …


Boll and I spent the Vernal Equinox in the garden. I planted some new lavenders and sprayed Nana the olive tree with copper sulphate, thanks to her unfortunate outbreak of peacock spot.

Nana models her new copper sulphate look

Boll carries out an inspection