Monthly Archives: April 2010

RATS

RATS is my new campaign. It stands for Remove Absurdity from Television Scripts. My latest pet hate is ‘ahead’, as in – Ahead … how a duck in Norfolk transformed a pensioner’s life. Ahead? Does anyone actually say ‘ahead’ in…

Weird Woolf Coincidence

I’ve just read Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, and I was rather taken aback by an unexpected image in the novel. You may know I’ve been obsessed in recent weeks by a statue of Ceres which used to preside over…

The Exact

I took a load of change to the supermarket the other day and painstakingly counted it out to pay the checkout emo. ‘Is that the exact?’ he asked, clearly too bedevilled by ennui to use a noun. ‘Yes. It’s the…

Beach Party

Here’s the latest pic of Canary James (with his pets Piggy Sue and Natasha) on their local beach in Gran Canaria.

Stupid O’Clock

This expression is beyond tiresome. It irritates me even more than ‘Thanks very much indeed for that’ and ‘Coming up later in the programme’. I heard someone, with a voice so twangy it could kill a gerbil at 30 paces,…

Hertford Ceres Update

Thanks for all the information about the whereabouts of the Roman corn goddess Ceres, who once graced the roof of the Corn Exchange on Fore Street. Jane informs me that her head is now in Hertford Museum store. Stella tells…

Dog and Duck(s)

The river’s like a swimming pool for dogs at the moment, including this duck-obsessed Border Collie I was watching earlier. The ducks were constantly one step ahead, but he just wouldn’t give in. His owner said he’s never actually caught…