London to Hertford fare shoots up

‘A single to Hertford North please,’ I said to the man at Euston (19 miles from Hertford). ‘That’s H.E.R.T.F.O.R.D.’ I always say that as no-one can spell anymore. ‘No, there isn’t a Hertford North,’ he informed me. I decided to…

Half Gardeners

I like gardeners; I like non-gardeners. But there’s one thing I can’t stand: the half gardener. Half gardeners deserve to be sprayed to death with cheap weed killer.

‘What are they?’ I hear you ask.

Half gardeners are people who garden furiously either (1) once a year or (2) on bank holidays.

They garden like maniacs for a day. Then they ignore their garden for months on end or even a whole year.

They have a penchant for weed-resistant membrane, as they believe it will cover a multitude of sins. But it doesn’t. And your typical half gardener fits it but then fails to cover it properly. ugly garden weed resistant membrane They have a thing about bark chip. But, before you know it, it gets dry and bleached and full of weeds. Bark chip is the very devil. hideous bark chip And, as they only garden once a year, they prefer ready-made turf to grass seed, but they leave enormous gaps and only water it once. So it dies dry turf They then add pot plants. They water them once. Then leave them to it. Like the bits of turf, they die. dead pot plants As do the hanging baskets. I detest hanging baskets. But I loathe dead ones even more. dry wilted hanging basket Half gardeners beware. I’m watching you and your hideous dead twigs.

As far as

Once upon a time, in the days of yore in the Land of Grammar, people used to say things such as: As far as county towns go, Hertford’s nice but a bit quiet. As far as small pets go, guinea…

Breaking News – cat stranded on wet floor

bolly cat stranded on wet floor

I decided to mop the kitchen floor earlier. Bolly, meanwhile, decided she wasn’t going to budge. So I mopped around her. Now she’s stranded on a tiny island of dry floor looking pensive and threatening to phone the RSPCA.